"The Left Hand of God"

I picked up "The Left Hand of God" in a half price sale in WH Smiths. It seemed like my kind of book. And thus, a good idea at the time.

Sadly, now I'm not so certain this was the case.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for books that don't follow convention. I'm all for stories that have surprising twists. What I am not for is books that seem to change their tone 15 pages from the end and end completely differently to how they have been set up.

The book was good. I'm not knocking that. It has a dark, brooding tone. Its portrayal of a violent, religion-fuelled fantastical and fanatical alternate history was gripping, and the fact that I read the whole lot in one sitting shows that Hoffman can tell a good yarn.

But there's just something so very wrong with it in places that I actually feel more frustrated than entertained at turning that last page. There are so many things foreshadowed but never explored later on; there are numerous changes in tone in the middle of the book completely at odds with the grim start; important revelations arrive with no actual foreshadowing at all; the final battle is described with a clinical detachment that deadens any sense of emotional investiture in the wellbeing of the individuals involved; and the final betrayal ruffled my feathers considering two thirds of the book is spent cememting a relationship only to have a parenthetical exposition in the last three pages explain why it just wouldn't work.

Anyone who has read any of my previous blogs knows I'm a sucker for a happy ending and relationships that work out - isn't that why we read fantasy? to escape from the harsh, soul-crushing reality that real life usually thrusts our way? - but it is less well known that I actually have admiration for writers that break conventions, throw away our expectations. I fully expected some big revelation towards the end of the novel. Unfortunately, the revelation that I got was one that hadn't been hinted at elsewhere, and there was too much sense, looking back with the book fresh in my mind, that the story had been pieced together from multiple plots, rather that one coherent whole right from the start.

The ending ends with hints that there is a sequel to follow: and I suppose if Hoffman is to follow convention, a trilogy is a likely outcome. It is highly likely that I will pick up a sequel, simply to find out if any of the seeds laid in this plot but not allowed to blossom within its pages are actually of importancw, or merely red herrings designed to throw the reader off which is, in my eyes, poor writing.

While thinking of something more to say on the matter, I googled the book and found this review which I am inclined to agree with.

So yeah, not a bad book by any stretch. I have read far worse. I'm just glad I didn't pay full price for it.

"In Which Jon Tries To Rectify His Atrocious Slacking..." Part #2

Writing

For a start, there’s that ‘writing’ thing that I, as a writer, do. My first trilogy is now planned out: the first novel is pretty much finished, the second is well underway, and I wrote a couple of scenes for the third one the other day as they were banging about in my brain and distracting me from important stuff, so that is going well. Novel 1, “Chains of Memory” (working title) will be complete by the end of January, so I can then get it printed and sent off to a shortlist (really very short actually) of agencies in the hope one can get me signed up for a three-book detail with a major publishing house like Orbit. I’m expecting “Chains of Time”, the second novel, to take me up until the end of summer, possibly the end of the year (depending on things in the next section) to write, and then “Chains of War” will round out the trilogy within the next eighteen months or so.

Obviously this is writing time. People actually seeing them on the shelves may take many months, even years to pan out, depending on how lucky I am with publishers. Kids fiction is the big thing at the moment, and this is definitely not written for kids in the same way that Harry Potter or Twilight is. Regardless of how long they may take to see the light of day, I am very much enjoying writing them, even despite the sleepless nights having several complicated plots and subplots tangled round in your brain can cause.

Games

The STEAM sale over Christmas was a disaster for me. I was doing so SO well with paring down my Games-To-Play list to something manageable, and then all of these good games were made cheap and I couldn’t resist. D’oh!

I recently finished the excellent “Darksiders” which I really enjoyed for its mix of God of War fighting and Zelda-esque dungeon exploration and collecting (as well as its visually distinct art style and storyline), and finally — a good two years after everyone I know finished it — I completed the main storyline of “Mass Effect”. Just in time, in fact, for the end of January when “Mass Effect 2” is released. “Darksiders” took me about 35 hours to complete 100%. “Mass Effect” took me maybe 12-15 hours, but that was with skipping 80% of the sidequests. As much as I like sidequests in games, I really just wanted to see how the main story played out in “Mass Effect”, and I definitely wasn’t disappointed.

Also on my list of games that I already own and need to complete are:

• Modern Warfare 2 (Which I bought hoping I’d like it more than the first one. Wrong.)
• S.T.A.L.K.E.R. (In the STEAM sale, so no rush to play/complete this one. Looks interesting though.)
• Jade Empire (Also £3 in the STEAM sale. Not got time for this at the moment.)
• Dragon Age: Origins (More on this below)
• Batman: Arkham Asylum (Finished in storymode. Want to 100% this though.)
• Dead Space (Great ideas, but atrocious PC port. Sad. Might get the PS3 version cheap.)
• Trine (Awesome ‘hop in and play’ puzzle game when I have little time.)
• Uncharted (I got this to work my way up to Uncharted 2. Sadly I suck at it.)
• Zelda: Spirit Tracks (almost done with this now.)
  

That’s quite a few games, some of which I’m barely into. Dragon Age is the prime example. I was really psyched for this when it was announced, and I got the deluxe edition with all the bonus content. Thing is, Spence has been playing it, and after 40+ hours he’s only 45% of the way through the game. Now admittedly he DOES have a thing for sidequests (It’s unhealthy, UNHEALTHY I SAY!) but still... So that number looming over my head and, and I hate to admit this, the unsexy female character models have kind of put me off getting into this one. It’s really a shame, but in some ways I’d forgotten the reasons I never actually completed Baldur’s Gate 2: Shadows of Amn — it’s just too effing long for a completionist like me to play in a reasonable amount of time.

And, as well as this, there are OTHER GAMES on the horizon. Oh, and Bayonetta, which is so screwed up crazy I just have to get it after already renting it for a week, just so I can see how the ‘plot’ pans out.

These include:

• Mass Effect 2 (The continuing adventures of Cassiel Shephard... more alien sex?!) Jan 29th.
• Dante’s Inferno (Sure it’s basically God of War, but I like GoW. It’s why I have a ps3). Feb 5th.
• Bioshock 2 (As I loved the first one. Not desperate to play this at release though.) Feb 9th.
• Final Fantasy XIII (Oh my god, my life, it will disappear...) March 9th.
• God of War 3 (It’s like God of War but...oh, wait...) March 19th.
  

Now you’ll notice something about a couple of those games: namely “ME2” and “FFXIII” — they’re both likely to be fucking long! (See my point above in the Books bit about why I might not finish reading them all by the end of March.) I’ve been looking forwards to “FFXIII” for over two years now, so I’ll definitely be getting it on the day of release and then locking myself away for a week or two to make some headway into the game before emerging to do some actual work. I wasn’t hugely excited for “ME2”, but having now just realised what all the fuss was about with the first one (yeah, I’m a tad slow) it is now high on my list of things to look forwards to.

Art

And finally, I’ve renewed last year’s Resolution to ensure I paint at least one piece of art per month. January’s is actually already done, but I haven’t updated my gallery with it yet. I’m considering changing the gallery format slightly for 2010. We’ll see.

Release the Kraken!

There are also some films I want to watch this year. That’s my excuse for getting a release the kraken reference into this blog anyways.

Next time I’ll possibly talk about tits and fucking, since Spence wants me to. Also, this may help people forget just how geeky this blog has been.

BAI! =^.^=

"In Which Jon Tries To Rectify His Atrocious Slacking..." Part #1

It has come to my attention that I have been utterly rubbish at updating my blog. There are several reasons for this, chief amongst them being that I am lazy. Really, really lazy.

And, also, not a huge amount has gone on since October 17th, when I last blogged.

Well okay, stuff has happened, but it was all school/work-related, and let’s be honest, it would be pretty unprofessional of me to blog too much about working in a school. Child-protection and all that jazz.

So instead I shall start 2010’s blogging by going through things that are important to me: namely books, music, games and art.

Reading

Back when I was doing my Masters in Creative Writing, I often commented that I didn’t read anywhere near enough. Looking at my bedside table now, I have a pile of books that will go some way to rectifying this for 2010.

I’ve got through a couple of the shorter works already, but currently the list of Books To Read stands at:

• Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief (Read, in anticipation of the upcoming film release.)
• Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters (Read, because I like sequels.)
• Percy Jackson and the Titan’s Curse (Because I got a boxed set of the first 3. Bite me.)
• The Stone of Tears (Sequel to Wizard’s First Rule, which I enjoyed greatly.)
• Blood of the Fold (Third in the Sword of Truth series.)
• The Left Hand of God (Which was half price and looked interesting.)
• Extraordinary Engines (A steampunk anthology.)
• The Difference Engine (One of the defining steampunk novels.)
• Assassin’s Creed: Renaissance (Book of the game. Sometimes these are good.)
• Wormwood (Second hand, 20p buy. Fantasy alternate history.)
• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (Because I’m not a fan of the original.)
• The Ghost King (Which I got before Christmas but haven’t touched yet.)
  

And those are the ones just on my table or at hand. I’m 2/3 of the way through “The Titan’s Curse”, which I am enjoying greatly. Yeah I know that the Percy Jackson books are really for young adults rather than almost-29 year olds, but I’ve always been a Greek mythology buff, and I have a thing about urban fantasy fiction (since, y’know, I write it!) even if it is supposedly for ‘kids’. I’m a big fucking kid and proud of it, alreet?

I actually started “The Stone of Tears” before Christmas but, like pretty much all of Terry Goodkind’s books it seems, it’s about 900 pages long, and I need to invest some serious time in it, which — because I like to read books in one or two sittings — I don’t currently have. I’ll get there. Already it is shaping up to be an interesting follow-up to “Wizard’s First Rule”.

These should last me a good while: probably till the end of February and into March if I decide to read the two Goodkind books back to back as I suspect I might. Saying that, however, there are OTHER THINGS that may ensure this stack of books last even longer.

And those are... In the next part!

In the words of CLAPTRAP, "Ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

British Summer Time

The very words, 'British Summer Time' conjure up a varity of images, depending on who you are and where you live. For most of us brits, BST is a time where we constantly have to debate whether to take a brollie with us, as it just might rain, even if there isn't a cloud in the sky. As well as the mercurial weather, it is a time for camping, beer gardens, sitting outside on the patio and gazing at the sky, and being assaulted by greenfly and wasps.

Last year's summer is a haze. Not a heat haze, a literal, drug-induced haze. By this time last year I was on full-time tramadol. It's no wonder I can't remember squat about what I did, who I saw, or where I went...if indeed I went anywhere.

This year is different. No drugs except alcohol this year. Having just done a half term of teaching, and having a full term lined up come September, this summer holiday was, nominally, a time for writing; in theory I was going to get as much of novel #2 written as I could during this six weeks as once the teaching starts, its ever so difficult to put (virtual) pen to paper.

Unfortunately, the words aren't flowing very well. I feel bottle-necked, distracted, and it is buggin' me.

One of the key distractions is this pile of games. As well as writing, summertime is oft the time where I try and finish as many of the games I've got laying around as I possibly can. Since I've had a month off WoW, I figured I was onto a winner this summer. Of course, that was before I decided Final Fantasy 12 was one of the games I really should complete - especially as FF13 is due sometime next year. I failed to take into account just how much time FF games eat up though.

Anyway, my list of unfinished or unplayed games stands at:

1) Final Fantasy 12 (36hrs in now)
2) Final Fantasy 4 DS (still haven't quite finished it)
3) Prototype
4) Devil May Cry 4
5) Half Life 2 + Expansions
6) Conan (on the XBOB360 - almost at the end, and have been for 6 months+ >_<)
7) Tomb Raider (the latest one)
8) The Last Remnant
9) Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles (GCN)
10) Dawn of War
11) Blood Bowl PC (still need to finish the single-player campaign)

As well as these, I've also had quick bashes on Age of Conan, Warhammer Online, and Lord of the Rings Online, all 3 of which have decided to give me free trials or week of free "re-evaluation" time. LotRo has been the most fun of the three, and its very very pretty as always, but none of the three really hold a candle to WoW, which is kinda a shame.

So anyways, really long list of games that need finishing. Might have to put FF12 on hold for a bit, as it really does eat up the time. Very enjoyable though. Not sure why fans of the series hate 12 so much. I like the characters, and the plot seems to be developing well enough - and story is mostly all I play games for after all.

As well as games, I've also been painting a bit. Got a couple of pieces on the go, which is kinda unusual. Haven't worked on them in a few days (see above comment about FF12) but they should both be done by the end of August. Still keeping up with my new year's resolution, which is nice. Hopefully I'll last the whole year.

Three weeks left of the summer hols. I know my parents are going on holiday next weekend, and I too am taking a couple of days off to head up to Macclesfield to see Rick and Tom, but thats mostly as far as I can stretch money-wise this year.

Really am going to try and stick some sample novel chapters up in the next week or so, let people have a read and see what they think of my style and stuff (as well as point out any glaring mistakes I've made :P)

This blog sounded much more organised in my head...

~On Reading...~

That's the verb "reading", not the proper noun "Reading", just so we're clear.

I read a fair bit. I have a huge number of books on my shelves, mainly because our local library never used to have the kinds of books I was into as a kid, and I can't really say I've diversified my reading habits since then either. I wanted to insert a picture here of our hallway bookshelves, full to the brim with all manner of books, but since we're having the house rewired in a couple of months, we've already started taking the books down and boxing them up, which I must admit makes those big shelves look more than a little weird.

I did, however, at least get a picture of my main "bedside reading" shelf. Let's take a closer look at this huge stack o' "literature" and see what we've got:





SHELF ONE

Okay, I'll admit it. The top row of my bedside shelf has no actual reading books on it at all. In fact, its chock-packed with a variety of RPG rulebooks, mostly D&D-related. There are a variety of d20 campaign settings up there, from Arthaus' "Ravenloft" to "Dragonstar" and the "World of Warcraft RPG". There are also some "Big Eyes Small Mouth" books, as well as strategy guides for FFX and FFX-2 ('cos I'm a lazy completist). Tucked just off shot on the top row is a copy of Jim Butcher's "Welcome to the Jungle", my only actual graphic novel, and a copy of the 2009/10 "Writer's Market" which has half a dozen page corners turned to mark agencies that may hopefully represent a fantasy writer based on who else they have on their rolls.


SHELF TWO

Shelf two holds, first and foremost, my Dresden Files paperbacks. As I am impatient, the last two I've bought in hardcover (see shelf four) and thus they do not fit on the shelf. Missing is book 1 of the series ('cos Spence borrowed it) and book 4 (because it is by my computer as reference). These are the kind of books I read over and over again.

Next to them is Brent Weeks' "Night Angel" trilogy, which is probably the most epic trilogy I've ever read (yes, beating Lord of the Rings). I've only read this once (though I've read the last 5 chapters of "Beyond the Shadows" about 5 times now - they're just THAT good!) but I plan on reading them again over summmer.

Also on here is the three Greyhawk "Justicar" novels by Paul Kidd, which make me laugh a lot, "Orcs" (with its Waterstones receipt bookmark reminding me I've still not got very far with it), Greg Maguire's "Wicked" and "Son of a Witch", some Pratchet, my fat-assed copy of "Order of the Phoenix", as well as a whole row of books BEHIND this front line.


SHELF THREE

Now we're getting to the stuff that I either haven't read, haven't read much, or just ran out of space to organise properly. Most of the left pile is Eddings and Gemmell, two writers whose fantasy stuff I've never really gotten into, as well as Ed Greenwood's "Elminster in Hell", which was...okay...I guess...

Next we have Taylor's "Wormwood" which I only got the other day and haven't read yet, as well as Nix's "Abhorsen" trilogy, which remains one of my favourite fantasy series, and another trilogy I plan on rereading over the holiday. There's also a couple of Harry Potters on here, as well as some Dragonlance and Magic: The Gathering novels (which are much cheaper and less addictive than the trading card game). Oh and yes, that IS a copy of "Warlock of Firetop Mountain"... classic!


SHELF FOUR

A delightful mix of stuff on here. First of note is the white paperbook copy of Lord of the Rings peeking out from behind the front pile. I used to read this every single year, but I stopped when I realised that the "Fellowship of the Ring" is mostly dull and boring. To the left of that are the three volumes of LotR individually bound. Not sure why I have both sets.

You can also see the happy dayglow Harry Potters back there, as well as the original Star Wars manga (which cost me about £50 but was well worth it).

Also on there is a copy of Stephen King's "On Writing" which is a very enjoyable read for any prospective author, as well as a variety of Planescape, Warcraft and Forgotten Realms novels (almost all of which have atrocious cover art).

Colin Forbe's "Blood Storm" is decent, plotwise, but very dull reading stylistically (thus I'm only 1/3 through that). Jim Butcher's "Turn Coat" and "Small Favour" are both excellent excellent reads and are only lying on this shelf because I couldn't fit them anywhere else. I *still* haven't read Gormenghast because I suck. I must must must read it.


SHELF FIVE

Okay, so these aren't books. This bottom double-shelf of cubbies is where I keep CDs and old PSX and GBA games. You can just make out a variety of titles, including the awesome "Pocket Fighter" for the PSX, and "Super Ghouls and Ghosts" for the GBA. There's also some pretty bad soundtracks and albums on that shelf. Some of them are Pokémon-related. Don't ask.


WHAT'S MISSING?

Well, there are two or three books/anthologies that I keep at hand which simply don't fit onto the shelf. The centenary edition of Robert E. Howard's "Conan" stories is one of them, as are the books I'm currently working my way through, which include Grant/Naylor's "Red Dwarf", Max Books' "World War Z" (yes, I know I've had this a year of so, I'm slack!) and Jonathan Kellerman's "Therapy".


WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

Well I don't know. It's possible you may just frown at me and say "oh my god, what a geek!" or "This guy calls himself an English teacher when he reads this stuff?! It isn't REAL fiction!" or you may possibly applaud my taste but keep it to yourself for fear that somebody else hears you mention you actually *read* -- because as the kids at Pensnett tell me, we don't need to read anymore because we have films and TV..... ~_~; -- and you don't want to be seen as abnormal.

Anyway, that's a little insight into the Library of Jonathan M Burrage, MA. Hope you've found it vaguely enlightening. ^__^